Healing Hearts
by Deeca
Summary: Three years after saving Amaranthine, a semi retired Varel looks for a way to ease the Warden Commander's pain when she disappears from the Vigil.  Angst/Fluff/Family Drama/Friendship & more    RATED M Because of a Future Chapter
1. Chapter 1

**Healing Hearts**

**Three years after saving Amaranthine, a semi retired Varel looks for a way to ease the Warden Commander's pain when she disappears from the Vigil.**

**Angst/Fluff/Family Drama/Friendship & more**

Varel sat on the porch of his home and watched the farmhands harvest the wheat. After three years it was still a marvel to him that he was alive and he owed that to Warden Commander Lorena. She and her group had saved Amaranthine, killed not one but two vile sentient darkspawn monsters bent on further destruction, and returned to what remained of the Vigil. While the fortress had survived the onslaught mostly intact, the walls and every building were reduced to rubble. The last thing he remembered was being picked up by an Ogre and then everything went black. He remembered waking up two weeks later, the Warden Commander smiling down at him.

_"Welcome back."_ She had said.

He was not expected to survive from his injuries. He had two broken legs, all of his ribs were broken, and a broken hand. His skull had also been cracked and he had been unconscious for two weeks. Commander Lorena would not give up on him. When not overseeing the rebuilding of the keep, she would spend every waking moment with him. She was there for him from the beginning. She was the one who helped him take his first step. Commander Lorena was the one who listened to his frustrations. She sat stoically as he unleashed his fury at his slow recuperation and celebrated every milestone with him. While Captain Garavel had become seneschal during his recuperation, the Grey Wardens still employed him on a part time basis. He assisted Commander Lorena with the recruitment and the Joining, and he also consulted with Garavel on various matters concerning the arling. He was also Commander Lorena's official representative whenever a Landsmeet was called. For his duty, Jessica rewarded him with the Turnoble lands and the title of Lord. He had farmhands, a maid, a cook and the people now called him Lord Varel which still made him chuckle.

He spent three to four days a week at the Keep and when he was finished with his duties, would ride back to his estate where he enjoyed the quiet.

Today, he would be riding to the Vigil and looked forward to listening to the sounds of the keep and dining with the Commander.

It was hard for him to comprehend that she was barely twenty five years old. She had experienced and endured so much and never faltered. Lorena had sealed her place in history as the Savior of Ferelden, yet she hated the accolades and the hero worship. Despite her deeds, she was still a woman and a beautiful one at that.

Despite their age difference, they had developed quite a bond. He enjoyed talking with her and now and then, they enjoyed the occasional card game. Lorena trusted him with her innermost secrets. He knew of her past relationship with the king and how after all this time he was still bitter that she spared Loghain. The Wardens from Orlais told him, that it was a smart decision because the Grey Warden who slays the archdemon dies with it.

When he was recovering from his injuries, Anders had told him that it was Chancellor Eamon and Arl Teagan that rewarded them for their heroism. Alistair went away to a lodge to avoid the festivities. It angered him when he heard this. And as much as she denied it, he could see her pain.

What hurt Lorena the most however was her brother disowning her. Fergus heard she had conscripted Nathaniel Howe into the Grey Wardens and he stormed over to the Keep and told her in front of everyone that she was no longer his sister. Varel had witnessed Fergus's verbal assault and how she barely blinked. And when he left, Varel watched her as she silently headed back to her quarters.

He ordered everyone to leave her alone and had walked by her door, hearing her sobbing. A part of him wanted to comfort her but the dutiful side of him prevented him from doing so.

Two weeks ago, he had heard that crying again. Nathaniel had come back from patrol and told everyone how he encountered Teyrn Cousland fighting bandits. Nathaniel saved him and said the Fergus was grateful. Lorena hugged Nathaniel, thanking him for saving her brother's life and quietly excused herself to her quarters.

A Grey Warden is supposed to cut ties from their family but that belief was slowly changing. There were married Wardens and Oghren had a daughter he visited twice a month. Lorena confided in him once telling him that she wanted Highever to be a sanctuary for her and had dreamed of visiting her brother a couple of times a month to help him rebuild. That dream was shattered when she made the decision to conscript Nathaniel who proved he was not his father's son. Fergus had remarried and had a son that Lorena had never seen. She wasn't even allowed to visit the memorial for her family. Lorena could deny it all she wanted but he could see her pain.

Varel respected Lorena's sense of duty but he also felt she deserved joy in her life and as she helped him recover, vowed to be a friend to her. There were times however, he had felt a closeness that didn't seem proper because of the difference age difference and was concerned about the comments people would make. Lorena was young enough to be his daughter. He was forty seven years old and before retiring, considered himself a lifer.

Lorena had no one else. She was close to Anders, Nathaniel and Sigrun but never burdened them with her troubles. While Lorena did form a friendship with Nathaniel, she could not confide him the same way because he still felt responsible for his father's actions and for her brother disowning her even though she never blamed him.

Anders and Nathaniel were both very perceptive men and could see her pain and tried to get her to open up more but Lorena felt as Commander of the Grey it would not be right. Varel was honored she trusted him as much as she did.

"Thank you John." Varel said to the young man bringing his horse. "You are in charge until I return."

"Yes my lord."

Getting on his horse, Varel rode away looking forward to seeing Commander Lorena's smiling face greeting him.

…

Varel gave his horse to the stable master and walked toward the keep. Something was wrong. It seemed quieter than normal and the occasional person or soldier he encountered all had the same worried look on their faces.

Anders, Nathaniel, & Garavel were standing in the throne room when he came in.

"Greetings gentlemen. Is the Commander busy? She usually greets me when I arrive."

Varel watched them exchange nervous glanced.

"Hello Varel." Garavel said in anxious tone. "We actually…do not know where the Commander is. She sort of had a breakdown when receiving a letter summoning her to the palace. It seems some Wardens from the Anderfalls have made a stop there."

"Breakdown?" Varel dropped his pack. "Are you saying she ran off?"

"She just started crying after reading that letter from the palace and ran off." Anders shrugged.

"We found her horse gone." Nathaniel looked at Varel

"Perhaps she went riding to unburden herself."

"She took some camping gear from the storage room Varel." Anders said in a worried tone.

"We have another problem. There is also a Landsmeet."

"I could care less about this Landsmeet!" Varel declared. "Our main priority is finding the Commander!"

"We have scouts looking for her"

"I'm going to her study. Perhaps there is something inside that might give us insight as to where she went.

….

The aroma of fresh lavender and leather polish awakened Varel's senses as he entered Lorena's study. Browsing through the papers on the desk, he found her journal and picked it up. He should be struck down for considering reading it but his worry outweighed his conviction.

He opened it up to the last entry and after reading a few lines, set the book down.

Today would have been her nephew's fourteenth birthday.

Noticing a piece of vellium on the floor, he read it and found it was a note saying she had no desire to go to Denerim and needed some time alone.

"She needed time to get away." Varel said. "There was a note on the floor that must have blown off her desk.

"But what about the Wardens from the Anderfalls and the Landsmeet?" Garavel looked frantic.

"Do not worry Garavel. Nathaniel and I will head to Denerim. We will deal with Wardens. And I think its time I have a word with the king and Teyrn Cousland." Varel said bitterly.

….

"It's my fault." Nathaniel said in a somber tone. "Ever since I told her about my encounter with Fergus and those bandits, she has not been the same."

Varel slowed his horse down and looked at Nathaniel. "It is not your fault that she ran off Nate. We forget that the Commander is human. She keeps her burdens and troubles to herself."

"What are we going to say to those Wardens?"

"You are going to tell them the Commander is in the Deep Roads tracking a dangerous band of stragglers led by one of the sentient darkspawn."

"And what will you be doing?"

"I am going to have a nice chat with the king and Lorena's brother and then we will go back and help in the search for our Commander."

….

Varel stood with the King and Teyrn Cousland and watched as Nathaniel escorted the visiting Wardens to the compound.

"I had no idea the First Warden thought it was not the best strategic move that my sister saved Amaranthine. I considered it one of her better choices."

"I'm not surprised Fergus." Alistair said. "The Wardens do not always take the humane path to get the job done."

"Your sister?" Varel laughed. "I seem to recall you tell the commander she was no longer your sister."

"I beg your pardon!" Fergus glared.

"With all due respect your Lordship; you need to shut up! Your sister happens to be missing at the moment."

...

**A/N: Happy Birthday to the reader who PM'ed me this request! :-) I agree. needs more Varel. :)**

**And don't worry readers, I have _not_ forgotten my other stories. **


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

I don't even know why I am even bothering you with this considering how you publicly disowned her in front of her Wardens and soldiers." Varel glared at Fergus who was actually beginning to look concerned.

"Missing. What are you talking about Varel? You told those Wardens she was in the Deep Roads investigating darkspawn activity." Alistair folded his arms and arched a brow.

"I lied to them."

Varel showed them the note. "Commander Lorena started crying when she received your summons to the palace and she ran off. I found this note in her study. We later learned she took her horse and some camping equipment."

"I traveled with Commander Lorena for well over a year, she can take care of herself. I don't see the concern."

"Tell me something your Majesty are you still raw from your bitterness over the Commander sparing Loghain that you've become blind?" Varel shot back.

"I don't see how any of this is you business Lord Varel." Alistair growled. "Aren't you retired?"

"No I am not fully retired your Majesty. The Grey Wardens still employ me on a part time basis. I am also advisor to Seneschal Garavel, as well Commander Lorena's official representative when I have to come see you. And yes it is my business. Commander Lorena has never left the keep like this before and while she may be able to take care of herself, some of us who care about her are concerned about her well being."

"Varel is right Alistair. This is _not_ like Loree."

"Oh so now the big brother shows his concern for his little sister after all this time. Shall I remind you of your heinous actions towards the Commander? You told her she was no longer your sister in front of her Wardens and soldiers. You banished her from Castle Highever. You forbade her from even seeing your family's memorial. And then you remarried and the Maker blessed you with a son she has yet to see."

Varel could see the regret on Fergus's face before he looked away.

"Nathaniel Howe; the very man you wished death upon, saved your life a couple of weeks ago." Varel continued.

"Nathaniel…He begged forgiveness for his father's depravity. He was…not what I expected to be." Fergus admitted.

"And your Majesty," Varel turned to Alistair. "A couple Wardens from Orlais who knew Duncan told me he would have approved of Commander Lorena's conscription of Loghain Mac Tir."

"What?" Alistair's eyes widened.

"Were you also aware that the Warden who slays the archdemon also dies?"

"Are you saying that it could have been Lorena instead of Loghain?" Alistair covered his mouth and suddenly looked dazed.

"I had forgotten you abandoned your duty to the Wardens once Lorena made that decision."

"I _did not_ abandon my duty!" Alistair protested.

"If you say so your Majesty. I guess you must consider Cailan a fool for wanting to fight alongside the Wardens then."

"No! I do not think that at all! You don't understand at all!"

"On the contrary your Majesty, I think _I do_. You felt betrayed by the woman you loved and your hatred of Loghain blinded you to everything the Wardens stood for."

Varel tried to hide his glee when watching Alistair come to realization over what he had done. He looked at Fergus and could see the guilt etched on his face.

"The Commander has done great things but she is a still a human being and feels pain and loss the way you both do. Your words and treatment of have wounded her far more than any of the monsters she faced."

"I have to make things right with my sister. I was wrong."

"Your sister cried after you disowned her, your Lordship. She hid herself in her quarters but we all heard her when going by her door."

Varel turned to Alistair. "You could not even award her group after they liberated Amaranthine. Do you even realize how much that hurt her that you could not even put your differences aside for one day?"

"Incidentally Fergus, it was your son Oren's birthday yesterday. Did you forget that because your sister didn't. In the hopes of finding out where she may be, I read the last entry in her journal and she had it noted."

"Oh Maker. I forgot my own son's birthday! What have I done?" Fergus shook his head in shame. "I have shamed my family by my actions."

Fergus grabbed Varel's shoulders. "I need to tell her how sorry I am and that I love her and do miss her."

"We have people scouring all over Amaranthine and beyond, your Lordship. If you wish, I will send word when we do find her."

"Thank you Varel. _Please let me know when you find her_. I am going back to Highever and will get some of my men to aid in the search." Fergus turned to Alistair. "I'm sorry Alistair, there is no way I can attend court and the Landsmeet."

"Of course." Alistair nodded.

Fergus left the room and Varel turned to Alistair.

"You know I could have you arrested Varel for speaking to me that way."

"Arrest me then." Varel held up his arms.

"He won't do that."

Varel turned to Eamon walking towards them.

"If there is anything we can do to help please let us know. We also will keep the Commander's disappearance quiet. We do not want to cause a panic."

"Thank you Chancellor Guerrin. I am going to go back to Vigil's Keep." Varel turned and walked towards the door.

"Varel." Alistair rushed towards him.

Varel turned and looked at Alistair.

"Please send word when she is found."

"Of course your Majesty." Varel replied and walked away.

…..

As Varel traveled back to Amaranthine, he searched every hidden path and wood in the hopes of finding Lorena but found nothing. The sound of thunder in the distance made him slow down. A storm was coming and being in Amaranthine that could mean a quick drenching or a three day deluge.

Since he was not far from his estate, Varel decided to stop there to rest and clean up. He also hope by the grace of the Maker that he would find her there. Lorena had stayed in one of the guestrooms before when the weather was bad. She was always welcomed there.

…..

Five days later it was still raining and the roads were to dangerous to travel. Varel was literally trapped at his estate and there was still no sign of Lorena.

As worried as he was, Varel was also angry at Lorena. She should have come to him instead of running away.

"Maker protect her."

The sound of a horse made him look up from his drink. He rushed to the door. The wind nearly knocked him back as he opened the door. A flash of lightening illuminated the area and that was when he saw the horse in the distance as well as the form of the body sprawled on in its back.

"Lorena!" Varel ran outside and towards the horse. It was indeed Max, Lorena's horse.

"John!" Varel yelled.

He was relieved to find Lorena still breathing, but her body felt feverish as he pulled her off Max and into his arms.

"Please see to the Commander's horse."

"Yes my lord!" John took the reigns and lead Max to the stable as Varel hurried back to the house.

Varel carried her upstairs and into the guestroom, regretting his sending his maid and cook to their families because he could have used their help now.

"Maker forgive me." Varel said as he slowly began to undo her armor.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Varel prayed for forgiveness from the Maker as he undressed Lorena. She was barely conscious and feverish as he tried to focus on her eyes when drying her. In all the time he had known Lorena, Varel had never seen her this vulnerable. He placed her in bed, covering her with the quilt and every blanket he had.

Grabbing a bottle of brandy, he forced some down her throat. Lorena coughed and opened her eyes.

"Varel."

"Commander! In the name of the Maker! Do you realize how much worry you have put me through?"

Lorena coughed and closed her eyes and Varel let out a sigh of relief. The lecture can wait. He had to focus on getting her well and back to the Vigil.

…..

A few days later, the bad weather finally subsided. His cook and maid and farm hands returned but wanting to be discreet, he paid them all extra and told them to go back to their families for the time being.

"I'll be fine." He said.

He also paid John extra to keep quiet about Lorena being at the estate and to take care of the grounds as best as he could until everyone returned.

Varel's sole focus was on Lorena. Though better since he found her, Lorena still had a fever and was very weak.

Remembering a remedy his mother had made, Varel had John kill several chickens. He made a broth of the meat, added elf root and several other healing herbs then forced Lorena to drink it.

Except for the occasional thank you, Lorena rarely spoke as she recovered. She seemed lost in her thoughts. Varel was expecting a tirade when she discovered herself naked, but Lorena said nothing as he handed her one of his shirts.

One morning he brought her breakfast of porridge and tea and he could tell she was on her way to recovering when she ate every bite.

"So Varel, you saw me naked. Did you like what you see?" Lorena looked up at him, and the grin on her face filled him anger.

"Commander Do you not even realize how you have put everyone in state of panic over your disappearance?"

"I left a note on my desk."

"It was on the floor when I went in there looking for clues to where you could be. Where did you go anyway?"

"I just road Varel. I needed to get away." Lorena looked away. "Getting that summons to the palace to deal with those Wardens, it just became too much."

"You know you are always welcome here." Varel looked at her reproachfully.

"I know but I did not want to burden you anymore than I already have."

"Commander, you very well know that you are free to burden me as much as you want. You have done so much for me. I thought we were friends."

"Varel, if we are friends as you say we are, then will you please stop referring to me as Commander. There is just the two of us here."

"Alright. Lorena. But I will call you Commander when we are around others."

"Good. As I said before you changed the subject Varel, you have seen me naked. I think we can ease the formalities."

"I guess…you are right."

Lorena looked at him and smiled. "I do believe you are blushing Varel."

"I am _not_!"

Lorena was right. He had seen her naked and was beginning to regret it. Truth be told her, the moment Lorena rescued him from the roof of the Vigil, he thought she was beautiful, but seeing her in such a weak and vulnerable state, filled him with thoughts he should be struck down for harboring.

Aside from flirting with Anders, Lorena had no relationships. When becoming Commander, she was surprised to find that a great many of Orlesian Wardens she met had been married. Some of them had even produced children.

The Orlesian Wardens lived by the belief that they can fulfill their duty as Wardens and still have some semblance of a life. Lorena ruled her wardens the same way. As long as they did their duty, she did not interfere in their private life.

Lorena held herself to a stricter standard and when not ruling the arling or out on the field; she kept herself occupied by a rigorous training schedule, reading, or riding her horse. There were times when she invited him to her private sitting room where they would either play cards or talk while enjoying a drink. Lorena seemed most relaxed during those times. Varel presumed it was due to the fact she was able let her guard down and did not have to be the Commander.

"Those Wardens from the Anderfels." Lorena groaned. "Were they dealt with?"

"Yes. Nathaniel met with them."

He decided not to tell Lorena of his chat with the king and her brother.

There simply was no point if nothing came of it.

"Oh good." Lorena sighed. "Remind me to give him a bonus in his stipend. He's a good man."

"He was worried when you disappeared. Nate cares about you. All your Wardens were worried. Garavel was frantic."

"I will apologize to each and everyone when I get back to the Vigil. I am sorry for leaving the way I did." Lorena looked at him.

Varel's heart ached when seeing the sorrow and loneliness in her beautiful green eyes. It was so easy to forget that for all that Lorena has done, she was still a woman. With so many depending on her, she was bound to have a breaking point.

"I know you are Lorena but the next time you need time to yourself, you are more than welcome to come here. Consider this room yours."

"It's quiet here. The sound of the wind against the trees is peaceful."

"Indeed it is."

"Thank you Varel." Lorena gifted him with a small smile. "Don't be surprised if you find me on your doorstep one day."

"You're very welcome now would you like something to eat?"

"Could you make some of that porridge again? It tastes better here than at the Keep."

"Thank you." Varel smiled. "It's a family secret."

"Well it's absolutely delicious."

"I'll go get you another bowl with some hot tea."

"I can come downstairs with you."

"_No_! You are still weak. I want you to stay in bed and get rest."

"Yes sir." Lorena chuckled as she sat back against the pillows.

…

Varel took a sip of brandy and waited for the porridge to cook.

He could not believe he offered Lorena the use of his guestroom whenever she needed to get away.

"What in the Maker's name was I thinking?" He sighed, spooning some porridge into a bowl then added cinnamon.

It was too late to take back the offer and he could never do that to her.

He did realize his feelings went far beyond than where they should be and it made him feel torn. Lorena was well over twenty years younger. She was still his Commander when he was at the Keep. He should not feel this way.

"Maker she is beautiful."

There was no way she could feel the same way about him and decided to keep his feelings to himself so their friendship would not be affected.

Setting the bowl of porridge on a tray, he poured a cup of tea and set it down beside it then went upstairs.

….

A few days later when Lorena was well enough, they road back to Vigil's Keep.

The moment the first soldier saw her, it set off a commotion on the grounds. Nathaniel, Anders, and Sigrun ran to her. Oghren hugged her.

Garavel rushed out of the Keep.

"Commander! Where in the blazes have you been?" Garavel's expression was mixture of relief and frustration.

"I needed to get away Garavel and when the storms got so bad; I was able to find my way towards Varel's estate."

"And it's a good thing she came to me." Varel added. "She was quite feverish."

"I'm just glad you're well Commander. And the next time you want a sabbatical please let us know so we can make preparations."

"I'm sorry I worried you Garavel."

Lorena turned to face the crowd of soldiers and wardens that were forming around them.

"I just want to say I am sorry to everyone. I did not mean to leave the way I did. And it was certainly _not _my intention to worry all of you."

"We're just happy you're back, Commander." Nathaniel said. "Garavel put me in charge while you were gone."

"And I am sure you did a wonderful job Nathaniel." Lorena smiled.

"He did a good job Commander." Varel said.

"I left you some…paperwork." Nathaniel said sheepishly.

"It's alright. I'll get to it in the morning. Now if you will excuse me. I want to get a bath. Please tell the cook I will be taking supper in my room."

Varel waited until Lorena headed inside and the crowd dispersed before walking over to Garavel.

"We need to send word to Teyrn Cousland that his sister is back."

"Thank the Maker. He's had his men here twice since you've been gone. What happened to Denerim to make him suddenly want to see his sister after all this time?"

"I just had a little…chat with the teyrn, Garavel and I reminded him of a few things."

"Should we tell the Commander her brother is inquiring about her?"

"_No_! I think we need to let things progress as they are doing. If the good teyrn is so concerned about his sister, he can ride the thirty five miles and see her."

"Very well Varel. I hope you know what you are doing."

"Oh believe me Garavel, I do."

….

A few days went by and Varel stayed and helped Lorena get back to her routine and consult with Garavel.

He was relieved to be back at the Vigil. As much as he loved spending time with Lorena alone at his estate, Varel knew he had to keep his feelings in check and it was getting difficult to do so at his home.

Varel stood outside and watched the gate.

"Damn him!" He cursed under his breath.

Fergus should have come by now. Varel now felt he had failed Lorena when all he wanted to do was give her some happiness.

Suddenly the sound of a galloping horse caught his attention. He looked up and saw Nathaniel riding past the gate. Varel watched as he slowed down to a stop and jumped off his horse.

"Teyrn Cousland is coming!" Nathaniel said between breaths. "Thank the Maker." Varel sighed, catching the first glimpse of the teyrn's carriage.

Hearing the sound of Lorena's voice, he turned to see her walking with Sigrun and Anders. He watched her laugh with them as they made their to where he was standing.

Lorena stopped to chat with the smithy but the sound of the carriage caught her attention.

Varel saw her face turn pale when seeing Fergus. Her eyes locked on him and she walked towards the carriage as if she was heading towards her execution.

The area grew silent as people stopped what they were doing. A lot of them witnessed Fergus's tirade so it was understandable they were transfixed by this.

Varel looked Lorena and could see she was using every bit of will and strength to keep her emotions in check as she looked at Fergus. He saw her lower lip quiver slightly as she stopped within a few feet of Fergus and just looked at him.

The silence was engulfed the area as Fergus and Lorena stood there.

"Can you ever forgive me dear Sister?" Fergus broke his silence.

Varel saw the shock then the tears as Lorena dropped the box she was holding as Fergus held out his arms to her.

"I am so sorry I hurt you the way I did." Fergus choked. "I want you back in my life Loree. I miss you."

Lorena was in tears as she rushed to Fergus and he was as well as they embraced.

Varel looked over to the side and saw Oghren blowing his nose. He saw Nathaniel and Anders smiling.

"I am so sorry."

Varel watched as Fergus and Lorena clung to each other and he marveled at her joy.

As he

"Let's go inside Brother."

As Varel watched them head back to the Keep, he could see the life coming back to her face and was happy to have given this to her.

…..

A/N: Please excuse the typos on the other chapters. I plan to correct ASAP


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